Maybe Things Need To Go Wrong Before They Can Go Right

We’re so obsessed with getting things right that we sometimes forget that it might be better if they go wrong, it might be better if we don’t know it all, if we don’t always say or do the right things.

Maybe this is why we get heartbroken. So we can learn to love again , so we can learn to love better, so we can learn to differentiate between those who love us for who we are and those who love us for what we can do for them.

Maybe this is why we lose people we love. So we can learn to appreciate people instead of taking them for granted, so we can learn to forgive others, so we can learn that life is too short and that people don’t always stay as long as we want them to and that sometimes our fears can stop us from taking a chance that could change our lives because we don’t always get a second one.

Maybe this is why we fail. So we can find something we can be great at, so we can stop settling for things that are not meant for us, so we can fight for our future and find our potential, find our passion and find what truly makes us happy. Maybe we fail so we can start over and write a new story with a better ending.

Maybe this is why we make mistakes. So we can learn that we’ll never be perfect no matter how hard we try, so we can understand that some things will always be out of our hands, so we can stop worrying so much about the future or lamenting the past. So we can understand that we’re born to figure things out on our own and that means making less than perfect decisions and learning things the hard way.

Maybe the wrong things are not so wrong after all. Maybe they’re so right for us but we don’t want to believe it, maybe they’re exactly what we need but not what we want and maybe they’re just reminders that better things await us and that wonderful things can come out of hardships, out of failure and out of pain.

Continue Reading

9 People Reveal The Things That Motivate Them To Get Out Of Bed Each Morning

1 . “What gets me up is my role as a parent, husband, my responsibilities at work and my role as a manager. I’m motivated every morning to achieve my team’s goal. This enables me to earn a living and support my family and our lifestyle choices. I also get up in the morning to set an example that life’s a bitch and you need to work at it otherwise life owes you nothing. You make life what it is…” —Michael Lapolla, 45


2 . “Teaching my kids about routine and that they have to keep focused no matter what. Helping the kids with homework, doing house choirs, it’s all on me. There’s no choice really. Plus, I have to have things done properly otherwise with 3 kids it becomes overwhelming.” —Maria Michaels, 39
3 . “Fundamentally, my most basic motivation is to do my best to achieve the happiness and well-being of my family, as individuals and as a family unit. That includes making myself available to my children and husband emotionally, financially and in the physical sense, whether that means supporting them by offering to take them driving, encouraging their friendships, listening to their complaints about their bad day, visiting my sick father in law in hospital, picking up more hours at work, or just giving a hug when required. As a mother and wife almost everything I do is motivated by their happiness. The reasons are twofold: I care about them and want to see them happy and successful…..and I don’t like conflict. On a more personal level, I’ve found in the last few years that more creative pursuits drive me to get up in the morning. The anticipation of beginning a book I’ve been wanting to read or sit at my sewing machine to create something that will bring someone else happiness, is a very powerful driving force. This leads into the next motivator….wanting to do my best at all times: ie. getting to the office on time, in a well-presented state, engaging with people in a pleasant and polite way, producing paperwork that I can be proud of. But not just in the work environment….I care about friends, especially girlfriends who have been in my life for a long time. Good, strong, trusting friendships are a great inspiration for when things are going badly.” —Georgina Michaels, 50


4 . “As a naturally positive person, I’m motivated by what I strive to achieve every single day. My faith motivates me each morning and so do the people in my life that I’m grateful for.” —Donna Villani, 49


5 . “What motivates me to get out of bed in the morning is exercise and sunshine. I particularly love this time of year and enjoy getting up for a walk with my dog or an Abfab exercise session that my daughter and I attend together. I feel so energized after either of those activities and that keeps me motivated to get up.” —Maree Kennedy, 46


6. “My life has found itself in somewhat of a transitional period. Where others my age may be in the peak of their careers, I have left mine to see what else is out there for me. So, my motivation in many ways changes based on how things are going. Some days it’s a struggle to get up not knowing where you fit in the scheme of the world. It can be difficult knowing you once had a defined professional role that gave you purpose as you were relied upon with a service to provide. Yet, there are days where my new business venture has given me a spring in my step, realising this could be the new me I was searching for. I’m motivated to be present and ready to attend to my families’ needs, and some days the motivation is to make the day better than the last. In saying this, I am blessed with what I have created in my life but there are days when I’m more motivated than others.” —Carl Marin, 39


7 . “As a nurse, I love getting up in the morning knowing that I’m going into work to help others.” —Fiona Browne, 51


8 . “Family and work motivate me to get up in the morning.” —Neven Attalla, 44


9 . “What motivates me to get out of bed in the morning is usually the need to go do something whether it’s make breakfast/food or get ready for school or work. I’m only motivated to get up when I have something to do that day.” —Monica Attalla, 20

Continue Reading

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow And So Will Your Smile!

People manage the weather so you can manage your emotions.

Although most people in the country wouldn't agree, we in Southern California have been having some extreme weather conditions: rain and mudslides. You could almost say we're so used to mild conditions that we become afraid of what others would call "real" weather — weather wimps. Being afraid, ashamed of, or embarrassed by your feelings is like being afraid of the weather, because emotions (tears, panic attacks, angry outbursts, withdrawal, depression, elation, lust, romantic excitement, happiness , euphoria) are the weather conditions of the inner self.

Certainly there are weather conditions that are fearsome, such as hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, exploding volcanoes and fierce fires, and we need to control these if we can and protect ourselves from them. But, like the weather, most emotional climate conditions are pretty mild.

My clients have found it very helpful to use the metaphors of weather to understand how natural and normal all feelings are. Here are my thoughts on the basics of emotional weather. It's a concept I'm just working out, so please share your ideas and reactions.

Sunshine — Your smile lights up your face the way the sun lights our day. Smiles, too, can come from behind clouds or after emotional storms. The smile signals that all is well, pressure is equalized and the coast is clear to be out and open and have some fun.

Rain — Like rain, tears can be stormy or just a light sprinkle; they can feel angry, cold, dreary and sad, or even come through the sunshine. Rain often follows a change of weather pressure, and tears can be the result of a release of inner tension. People frequently cry from relief that they've been heard or that they can see a solution where there appeared to be a problem. Those who suffer from a trauma or a loss normally cry a little after the first shock of finding out, as the awful pressure of the news is absorbed and the grief sets in. Rain first carries with it the dust suspended in the air, and then washes everything clean as it continues. Emotional rain, too, can first be painful and then begin to bring release and clarity. A "good cry" is one that really lets go of the held feelings and continues until relief sets in.

Rainbows — When you allow the tears to flow until your natural smile returns, you will feel hopeful again — hope is the rainbow of our internal climate. Like a rainbow, hope doesn't exist until there has been a disappointment, and the disappointment has been accepted completely enough to let the sun shine once more. That smile, coming thorough sadness, brings with it a renewed feeling of hope.

Storms — Sometimes reluctance to express unhappiness or discomfort builds pressure that eventually releases in a rush, like a storm. Violent storms shake things up, just as strong anger does. Anger that is allowed to get out of control is as destructive as a hurricane, but anger that is expressed in healthy ways can "clear the air" just as a storm does. The aftermath of a healthy, not too violent storm allows us to appreciate the pleasures of calmness.

Cloudiness and Fog — Emotionally, things are not always very clear. It's normal to feel foggy and unsure, or depressed and dark from time to time. If you can remember it's just your emotional climate, and explore it to discover the cause, the fog will lift, the clouds will part, it may rain or storm a little, but the sun will eventually come out again. Normal depression that is not allowed to take its natural course, not opened up to let the fresh air in, can turn into emotional smog, or internal pollution.

Smog — Emotional smog, like the weather kind, is just the normal cloudy/foggy conditions with man-made junk added. We call it clinical depression. Everyone is down from time to time, but those who attack themselves when down, or have others around who pollute their internal atmosphere with criticism or shaming, become smog-bound, and can't clear up their internal atmosphere. Letting in the fresh air of interest and the warmth of emotional support allows the fog to lift, and the sun to come out again.

Internal Conditions — If you try paying the same amount of daily attention to your internal conditions as you probably do to the weather report, and begin to regard your feelings as naturally as weather, you'll become much more emotionally comfortable. Like weather, your feelings are easier to accept and live with when you manage them, respond to them and don't try to resist them or deny them. If you understand your feelings as weather, you can have many lovely inner days.

Your Sense of Emotion

Human attributes, we are taught, include five senses: sight, sound, taste, touch and smell. Only in science fiction do we read about a sixth sense, which is usually depicted as a psychic sense. If you think about it, however, your emotions are your real "sixth sense." Just like your other five senses, your emotions register data about the external world. With your sight, your eyes take in data about colors, shapes and relative sizes of the things in the world around us. Touch tells us how things feel, how warm, cold, soft, hard, sharp or smooth they are.

Your emotions tell you what others' feelings are. We can sense, in an almost psychic way, how someone feels at a distance, without being told. By comparing what our other senses tell us about others (smiles, frowns, tension, "prickly vibes," relaxed breathing and an indescribable type of data we call empathy) with what we know about our own inner feelings, we draw conclusions about what other people are feeling. Without being told, we know when someone is angry, when someone has strong positive or negative feelings toward us, and when we are loved.

With conscientious practice, people can improve their use of senses, such as being a wine taster, reading braille, refining your sense of color as an artist, or learning to tell different fabrics by texture. Certain people, such as psychotherapists and actors, practice and refine emotions until they can sense very small changes. As a psychotherapist, I "read" my clients' emotions and give them feedback to help them sort out emotional confusion. "You say you're fine, but you appear to be angry," I might say to someone who is disconnected from his feelings.

Sight is an external sense — we only see what's outside us. Touch, however, is both internal and external. We can feel food go down our gullet, on occasion we can feel our own heartbeat, and we can feel muscle cramps and movement from inside the body. Emotions are a sense that is simultaneously internal and external. To our emotions, it's as if there's no limit to our bodies, and our skin is transparent. We feel our feelings on the inside, and yet they reach out and touch people and tell us what they're feeling too. It is a type of psychic sense, especially to people who develop it.

Just as your sight helps you navigate the roads, avoid obstacles, and choose the best route, your emotions are the sense that help you navigate the paths of relationships . If you are knowledgeable about your feelings, and your sensitivity to others' feelings, you can be much more effective in all your relationships, maximizing your love , your intimacy , your emotional well-being, and your happiness.

Practicing Emotion

You can refine and sensitize yourself to your feelings by "tracking" what you are feeling on a daily basis: Just stop a few times each day and ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now?" Once you get comfortable with that, you can spend some time people watching, and guess what they might be feeling. You won't know if you've guessed right unless you ask, but just practicing paying attention will sharpen your skills.

Continue Reading

13 Things That Men and Women Do Differently

Men and women can be so different. You can see this in the little things as well as the important stuff. Here are just a few examples which we’ve noticed.

So, men and women...

1. Undress differently

Men and women take off their clothes in different ways. Most often, men put their arms behind their shoulders, pulling their top away from their spine using their collar. Women cross their arms in front, pulling off their clothes whilst gripping the hem and turning them inside out as they do so. Men might use either method, but women only use the latter. This isn’t because we’re taught to undress differently; instead it’s the result of the fact that most women’s clothing is more close fitting, and using the ’male’ method just doesn’t work.

2. Show their hands differently

When asked to display their hands, men (provided they’ve got nothing to hide!) will always show you their palms, whereas women for some reason always proffer you the back of their hands.

3. Throw balls differently

Men usually throw balls from above and behind their head, whilst women throw them upwards from below and whilst holding it with both hands in front of them. Why? No one knows!

4. Yawn differently

Paris Hilton and former British Prime Minister Tony Blair

More often than not, men cover their mouth with a fist when yawning, whilst women use an open palm — probably, because it’s considered to look more elegant and ’feminine’.

5. Hear sounds differently

Women have a keener sense of hearing than men, and are experts at picking up high frequency sounds. Amazingly, the female brain is ’programmed’ to hear a child’s cry, whilst a majority of men will sleep right through it as if nothing happened. And if a kitten meows somewhere, a woman is far more likely to hear it than a man. However, equally fascinatingly, men can discern the direction from which a sound is coming better than women. So he’ll tell her where the kitten is hiding!

6. Sit differently

Jennifer Lopez and Johnny Depp

Women typically sit with their legs crossed, often wrapping their legs around each other. Men usually prefer to spread themselves out, placing their knees far apart. In part, this is because the majority of men and women wear different kinds of clothing; it’s not usually considered a good idea for a woman to sit in the ’male position’ if she is wearing a short skirt. For men, on the other hand, their instinctive sitting position has its roots in evolution: this is the typical pose of an ’alpha male’ demonstrating his masculinity.

7. Distinguish between right and left differently

Men never mix up right and left, as the more active part of their brain is either the right, or the left hemisphere — never both. Yet if you ask most women which is their left hand, you won’t get an instantaneous answer. Often they will look at a ring, or think about which hand they write with, in order to remind themselves. This is why men all around the world complain that women can’t tell left from right!

8. See differently

Men can see clearly ahead, and far into the distance. You might say they have eyes like binoculars. This is called tunnel vision — the vision of a hunter capable of tracking his prey. This is why men sometimes accuse women of hiding things from them; even if their socks, or underwear, or car keys and wallet, or something in the fridge, are all where they should be, a man cannot pick them out straightaway if they aren’t in his direct field of vision. In contrast, women have much better peripheral vision. It’s argued that this is the result of the fact that a woman needs to see what’s around her as much as she can, in order to keep track of her children and quickly detect any danger to them. These differences can have serious consequences. Insurance companies claim that women are less likely to be involved in road accidents where their car is hit from the side. They are however far more likely to scratch their car when trying to parallel park, since they have a poorely developed sense of space.

9. Tie bathrobes differently

Charlie Sheen and Scarlett Johansson

Women usually fasten a bathrobe tightly around the waist, whereas men tie it at the hips. Some say this is because women want to emphasise their figure even when they’re wearing baggy clothes, whilst men don’t care at all about this. Others think it’s just more comfortable for both. What do you think?

10. Interpret feelings in different ways

It’s said that a woman can interpret visual, verbal, and all other kinds of signals people give them almost instantaneously. When a woman walks into a room full of unknown people, she will often observe the latter closely and will be able to work out who gets on well with whom, who’s fallen out with whom, and what someone’s mood is. When a man walks into a room, he will quickly scan his environment, determine where the exits are, search for familiar faces, and try to work out who is a potential threat or enemy. Moreover, men generally cannot understand when a woman feels offended unless she tells him directly, yet she usually expects him to read the subtle signals she is giving out instead.

11. Deal with tasks differently

Men are generally capable of concentrating on only a single task at a given moment. If you try to talk to him while he’s shaving, there’s every chance he’ll cut himself. In contrast, many people believe women can cope with several things at the same time. Once again, the reason for this lies in the varying ways in which men and women’s brains function, and the influence of ancient, socially-determined roles. Thousands of years ago, if a man didn’t concentrate on the hunt, his family could go hungry. And if a woman concentrated entirely on picking berries and roots, her children might end up in danger.

12. Cope with problems differently

Drew Barrymore in ’Scream’; Edward Norton in ’Fight Club’

Often, when a woman has a problem, she will talk about it with her mom, her best friend, her husband, even with the person sitting next to her on the bus. She’ll write about it in her diary, she’ll send a text message to someone revealing all, or she’ll leave posts on social networks. The more she discusses her problem, the easier it is for her. A problem shared with others doesn’t feel so difficult to cope with. When a man has a problem, on the other hand, he’s far more likely to lie in front of the TV and sulk in silence. He copes with stress by distracting himself from his problems. And when he feels calmer, he start’s searching for a solution to whatever’s wrong — and he does it on his own. Coming to him with advice and suggestions will just annoy him.

13. Remember information differently

A woman’s memory is like a huge cupboard, with dozens of shelves and where everything is in its right place. Women accurately retain information about everyone they encounter and everything that happens — who loves what food, whose birthday is on what date, what her mother asked her to do for her and what her child needs for school. Men, on the other hand, generally remember only the things which they consider to be really important, which often leads them to accuse women of filling their heads with completely irrelevant information.

Remember, there’s no need to worry too much about these differences — on the contrary, we should be glad they exist. As is often said, opposites attract, and it’s this which creates the magic we all know as love.

Based on material from: XXLedy and Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Continue Reading